Do people still blog anymore? I have no idea. But in our fast-paced visual world, I have been feeling pulled back to writing. Slow, tedious, wonderful, powerful writing. Nothing eye catching, but hopefully heart and soul catching, if I should be so bold.

Some of you reading this now might remember that I used to blog. In fact, I had two blogs for many years. But then I stopped. I moved on.

Since I can remember, I have loved writing as a way to express myself, process thoughts, reflect on life, and share with others. In elementary school, I usually wrote the longest stories of anyone in my class, and thus my peers despised waiting in line behind me at the teacher’s desk to have our work read. In high school, I joined a Young Writers club and took any additional writing classes I could. In college, I wrote for the campus’ tiny newspaper, and eventually became an editor of it. After grad school and into my career, I started blogging, both personally and professionally. I also began proofreading for my dad’s former magazine.

Writing has always been a thing for me. I stopped because I no longer felt motivated and inspired by the things I had written. I left my career and jumped headfirst into focusing on my family, homeschooling my daughter, and supporting my husband.

I want to write again. I can feel that familiar pull and zing of words bubbling up that need to be written down. But I hardly feel like the same person I was two blogs ago. And it’s because I’m not. Not really.

I’ve always known God, sorta. He was an abstract being that was honestly overwhelming to understand. Because He wasn’t “real” to me, it was easy to forge my own path, make up my own rules, and rely on my own understanding. I was an independent, self-centered young lady.

The problem with forging your own path is that you will eventually reach the logical conclusion of relying on your own strength and resources to get through life – emptiness and searching. We don’t have unlimited strength and resources because we were never meant to rely only on ourselves.

The difference for me now is that I have a relationship with Jesus. I didn’t have this before. Being able to fully submit myself to Him has created a new heart and spirit within me. This is what I mean when I say I’m not really the same person. I’ve been made new.

If you would have told me in my twenties that I’d become a stay-at-home homeschooling mama who willingly reads her Bible and looks forward to attending church, I probably would have laughed in your face.

But God led me here.

However, even though I’m growing in my faith and following Christ, and a new heart has been graciously given to me, I am a sinner still, as both this blog’s and blog post’s title indicates.

Some believers argue that this newness of life takes away sin, but I disagree. Following Jesus isn’t a one time decision – it’s daily, it’s little by little, it’s multiple decisions made to become closer to Him. It’s also becoming honest about the rot that is within you, for which you need a Savior.

“If we say, ‘We have no sin,’ we are deceiving ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say, ‘We have not sinned,’ we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.” (1 John 1:8-10)

I want to be cleansed. Over and over again. Because I need it. And it hasn’t been for the last few years that I’ve been willing and able to freely admit that.

Enter this blog.

I’ll be writing about my faith journey, things I’m learning and unlearning, family life, and cultural issues, most likely mixed with some good ol’ anti-government snark (please see above about still being a sinner ;)).

It won’t be for everybody. That’s okay. I’m not everybody’s cup of tea. But take a sip if you like, let it hit the palate – you can always spit it out later.

From one sinner to another, cheers.

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will remove your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.”

Ezekiel 36:26