A Sinner Still

No. 20: Fear of Man

September 27, 2025

Blogging, Conviction, Faith, Sin, Worldview

I’ve never felt less at home in this world than I do now.

When I came across this line in a written reflection from another Christian, I reread it a few times, let it sink in, and copied it down. After the recent shot that rattled our nation and beyond, it seems almost everyone is in a state of reflection, leading them to ask, “What now?”

Almost everyone being the operative phrase. After the public display of evil, it seems there was a fairly loud group of people who knew exactly what to do now – they jumped on blaming, excusing, rationalizing, and even celebrating the loss of life. There was no reflection on right and wrong, good and evil, or personal responsibility.

Perhaps most shocking to me, and there were a lot of terrible things being said, was the admonishment not to use words like “evil” or “demonic” when describing what happened. The reason? These labels are harmful. Nevermind that someone was actually harmed – MURDERED – by an assassin’s bullet; we must care more about the feelings of the assassin, any future assassins, and those busy celebrating. If only we talked things out using nice words, then no violence would ever happen. Well, that social compact has been smashed. It’s more like, ‘agree with me or die, but don’t you dare call that evil.’

This hypocrisy truly brought me to the first line of this post: I’ve never felt less at home in this world than I do now.

How can I share a world with people who think this way? With people who view words as violence but excuse actual violence? With people who would gleefully dance on the grave of a young husband and father? With people who believe an ideology that leads to the death of human beings who disagree with them, and then still purports its believers to be the real victims? With people who might just as well be okay with me being killed for my beliefs?

The answer to all of these questions is: I can’t because I was never meant to.

Yes I am in this world, but I have learned what not being of this world truly means. I cannot and do not and will not accept reframing or dismantling of the truth. Jesus Christ is the Truth. That’s where I land and I will not move from there.

I join thousands (and probably more) of Christians who have awakened and locked in what they believe. No more wishy-washy, lukewarm, watered down Christianity. Jesus Christ is “the way and the truth and the life” (John 14:6). There is nothing else and we need to stop pretending there is.

Now back to being in this world. I was born and I live in this current time in my current place. Just as the Bible tells us of righteous people living among the sin and evil of their generation, so must we. Just as the Bible tells us incredible accounts of God using people for his glory, regardless of past sin or present circumstance, likewise God can use us.

We are called to be set apart. This recent tragedy should shock us into remembering that evil is real, and people will hate you for believing in Jesus. The separating of light from darkness is necessary.

An amazing thing to consider is how God may use someone committed to evil, by transforming them into living for Christ to advance the Gospel. Just as He changed Saul to Paul, who in our present evil day may be saved and begin proclaiming Truth louder than any of us? We know of God’s “wonder working power” (Psalm 77:14). Do we hold onto the belief that He can still do this?

I do. I look forward to seeing how God will continue to use this evil for his glory and our good.

One of those ways is Christians, including me, completely shedding fear of man. When we love God with all of our hearts, souls, and minds, there’s no room left for anything else. I do share this world with many people, but I do not have to accept the world’s version of reality out of fear of what may happen when I disagree. I am commanded to love my neighbor, but I do not have to go along with how my neighbors define love, tolerance, or beauty. Most certainly, I am called to serve my fellow image bearers, and the best way to do this is to advance the Truth as God defines it, clearly laying out what is good and what is evil.

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom” (Proverbs 9:10) is assuredly unfolding before our very eyes. The more that Christians understand their starting and ending point – Christ – the more everything else falls into place. How beautifully we can shed faulty opinions, labels, ideas, and lies when our focus remains on the One who created us.

I love how it is put in Galatians 1:10, “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

If we know the Truth of Christ, we mustn’t cower in fear of people who need the Truth as much as we do. A note in my study Bible puts it this way: “A Christian who fears the Lord and not people is free and unstoppable.”

That’s the shift I feel. Free and unstoppable. Free from fleshly fear and unstoppable in living out my beliefs. Those who don’t yet believe in Christ will continue their mission of advancing evil while calling it good; we cannot waste time caring about the opinions of the wicked and the lost. We must proclaim Truth in love because hearts can still be won.

How awesome is the revelation that this world, though created and called good but broken by sin, is not our home. We are not meant to feel comfortable here because our home is Heaven. We are passing through on our way to eternity with our Father.

I want to use my time until then living for the Lord. Your will be done.

“If God is for us, who can be against us?”
Romans 8:31

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No. 19: Say His Name

June 19, 2025

Blogging, Faith, Redemption, Worldview

Reminiscent of such times before, we see people taking to the streets to speak, protest, and enact change for their cause.

We also see the fire, violence, and anarchy. We see utter destruction.

The cause and convictions that spur people to join in are varied, of course, though the resulting disorder cannot be overlooked.

Beyond the deep anger about perceived grievances, I’m interested in the words spoken. Words matter – they show what is in our hearts. “For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34).

There are plenty of words spoken when mobs of people make their demands, but the names they choose to elevate sure point to what’s in their hearts.

Many crowds chant to “say his name” or “say her name” in remembrance of whoever they’ve decided was killed or treated unjustly. Nevermind that with more time and more information comes a rebuke of their perceived injustice – enough minds have already been darkened to believe the lies at that point. Emotions win the day for many.

It’s refreshing when, as of late, there exists a steady drumbeat of maintaining order undeterred by demands to do the opposite. To me, it points to God.

God is a God of order and not chaos. He designed this world and everything in it with a unique purpose. Unfortunately, the effects of sin run far and deep. It has led to suffering, disease, and death.

But there is a name we can say that has overcome all of it. This name belongs to a man who Himself was unjustly killed, who stirred up a mob of vengeful hearts out for blood. The difference is by saying His name, His blood that poured was poured out for you.

Nothing but the name of Jesus. “Nor is there salvation in any other, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved” (Acts 4:12).

There is no other name that can create the lasting change so many people are seeking. While chanting “no kings” might seem revolutionary – a battle cry for freedom – it’s really a tired slogan of fallen people going their own way, a rebellion against God’s order. There is a King who already changed everything and granted you freedom. The Lord of Lords and King of Kings is sovereign and already ruling.

His name holds actual power. “For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved” (Romans 10:13). Who are we calling on to save us?

When you know you’ve been created for God’s glory, it puts the temporary pain and suffering of this world into perspective. It’s real, yes, but it’s not all there is.

I am called to let my battle cry be Jesus. I implore it to be yours, too. When the world is warring, hold fast to the one name that can lift us above it.

Say His name.

“Sing the praises of the LORD, you his faithful people; praise his holy name.”
Psalm 30:4

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No. 18: Not my battle

January 27, 2025

Blogging, Faith, Redemption

We recently had something pretty scary happen at our home. Being a law enforcement family lends itself to knowing that evil exists, but it’s completely different when the effects of evil literally come knocking on your door.

I have replayed the events in my mind time and again, debriefed with my husband multiple times, and listened to my daughter’s version of events more than once. With some distance between that night and now, I am left amazed at how God played a hand in it all.

It’s hard to explain, but I am so glad I can see His hand in this; that I didn’t miss out on these nuggets of wisdom from Him. Although we saw suffering, experienced fear, and live with the trauma from that night, God kept us safe. We don’t know why it happened, but we know He protected us in countless ways.

From our daughter already being in our bedroom that night, to my husband being home from work, to he and I working seamlessly as a team, God was in the mess with us.

There are many things I can’t explain. How was I so calm calling 911? How did I wait patiently for updates from my husband while I stayed with our daughter behind a closed door? How did I trust my husband to handle the situation when I could see nothing and all I could hear was screaming from our kitchen? How did he trust me to stay put and be ready? How did my husband steadily and with authority handle three injured parties on his own? How did I just glove up and get to work scrubbing someone else’s blood from my furniture, walls, floors, and doors without melting down? How can I confidently tell my child we are safe when we just experienced a bloody and terrifying episode?

I don’t have the answers to these questions other than God. That’s it.

Trust me, there have since been many days and moments when I wanted to take this from God and handle it on my own. With anger as my guide, I wanted to give certain people a piece of my mind; I wanted to bomb my neighbor’s house where it all started; I wanted to be mean because it didn’t feel fair.

But by the grace of God, He kept filth from my mouth, bomb-making materials from my hands (lol), and hate from my heart.

It’s not my battle. God continues to remind me of this.

Out of the blue (to me, not to God), I felt a sudden hunger for His Word. I’ve been reading and studying my Bible hours at a time, truly renewing my mind.

My husband and I have seen in real life how our trust in one another got us through a dark time. I got to see him as the provider and protector that God created him to be. He provided help and protected his family all at once. He got to see me as his help meet, strong and completely trusting his leadership.

My daughter’s school work directed us to read and study Psalm 23 right when we needed it: “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want… I fear no evil, for You are with me.” We have prayed these words many times since, especially before bed.

Proverbs 3:5 has been highlighted repeatedly just in the last few days: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” After the third time it came up, my daughter said she felt like God really wanted her to know those words.

We got to see a bit of redemption in one young man who came back to thank my husband for saving his life. Because my husband was asleep when he showed up, I talked with him and listened to the gratitude in his voice as he said over and over that he’s so glad to be alive. I don’t know why his life was spared that night, but I pray he will come to know the reason.

I can see God all over this.

With this testing of our faith (mostly) behind us for now, we can hang on to what it has produced – love for His Word, strengthened partnership, courage to face fears, and a slice of redemption taking place.

Most of all, knowing and trusting that it’s not my battle. I don’t have to know why this happened or how to make it all better. Somehow, we were right where we needed to be that night, and the rest is up to God.

He’s got this.

“For the battle is not yours, but God’s.”
2 Chronicles 20:15

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No. 17: It came through a baby

December 21, 2024

Blogging, Faith, Marriage

Sometimes I try to think about what it must have been like back when the world learned that baby Jesus was going to be born. I recently read through the Gospel of Luke for Advent, and it struck me how many people had been waiting for this baby, the prophesied Messiah. All they could do was wait, and put their faith in God’s promises.

As I read, I kept thinking about when my husband and I were waiting for our baby to come. We had gone through a struggle to conceive and through that struggle, one common thing my husband and I remember clearly is that we both knew the timing and outcome of having a baby was not in our control. Although we were not living as though we had a relationship with Jesus at the time, there was certainly a surrender on our part. We knew the whole thing was bigger than us.

I am not equating my child to Jesus, but I have been wanting to write about how God used our life circumstances to advance His purposes. People come to faith in all sorts of ways, just as the people did during Jesus’ time on earth in human form. Can you imagine hearing of His birth and actually being able to see Him? I get chills and tear up just singing about His birth! It blows my mind.

For us, after almost two years, I was finally pregnant and we were overjoyed. But more than the joy was the surrender. We had begun a journey of putting our faith in something other than ourselves, and God used it.

I truly believe God used our struggle as husband and wife to draw us closer to Him. All the fear, wondering, hurt, anger – it was all used to allow us to come to the end of ourselves and rely on something greater. And then, when we were blessed with a healthy baby girl, relying on God became even more paramount. How could we, in our now accepted limited capacity, truly care for and love this little one all on our own? We knew there was more.

And there was. There was Jesus. Jesus, who came as a baby to humble earthly parents, and grew as a strong boy filled with wisdom. Jesus, who was the only sinless man, teaching and healing as he walked. Jesus, who ultimately took all the wrath for sinners; crucified, died, buried, and resurrected. Jesus, the perfect sacrifice.

God used a baby to save His people, then and now.

And He used our baby to point us to Jesus.

Our faith and our salvation – it came through a baby.

“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”
Isaiah 9:6

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No. 16: Look up, child

September 8, 2024

Blogging, Faith, Homeschooling

As I sit contemplating the week ahead with a lot of new things coming our way, I’m reflecting on the challenges we’ve faced in our homeschool year thus far and where my focus has been.

What am I treasuring? My pastor shared a lot of wisdom today about living with eternity in mind, and one place he read from was in Matthew 6. After verses about storing up treasures in heaven because they cannot be destroyed like earthly treasures can, comes verse 21: “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

Where is my heart and what treasures have I been focused on? I admit I’ve let myself get bogged down in the “have to’s” and “what ifs.” I started the year confident in where we were and where we were headed. But when it just…..didn’t work, I didn’t know what to do. I felt stuck. I had put my faith in the wrong things and the wrong things were based in treasures of this earth. No wonder I was feeling exhausted and depleted.

The struggle forced me to pause long enough to ask, “what am I doing and why?” And it was almost like God, waiting for the pause, said, “You’re looking too low. You’ll never find what you need down there. Look up, child.”

Oof. I sorely needed to hear that.

When I finally looked up, I realized that the things we tend to treasure in our children’s education are temporary, fleeting, and sometimes harmful.

Standards (whose?), being ahead or behind (of what, exactly?), curriculum, scores on a test, or how much our child can produce in any given time.

When time marches on and my child is grown, or when she has her own children, or when we enter Heaven, will standards and curriculum and scores matter?

With eternity in mind, do I care if we use the most beautiful curriculum ever made? Nope. Do I need my child to complete a million worksheets to show she really knows how to do something? Nope again. Do I need a program that promises rigor and above grade level standards? Not really. Will I ruin my child if we take it slow and learn in a way that feels lovely and natural? Definitely not.

With eternity in mind, what is most important? When I looked up, I realized it wasn’t the books, the work, the perfect curriculum, the amount of problems or pages, or whether what I’m doing is “enough.” These treasures, though they may be temporarily satisfying to my fleshly needs, can easily shrivel up and disappear.

When I looked up, I realized it was my child’s soul, her heart, her mind, our relationship, our family, and most importantly, our path here and how we know, show, and share Jesus.

Looking up put all those stresses over which curriculum and forced production right where they belong – below everything else. All the learning will happen, eventually, in ways that point to our Creator instead of us.

We are almost a month into our school year and still haven’t settled on a particular curriculum for the majors, haven’t even pulled the books for other subjects off our shelf, and definitely haven’t achieved a good flow. We’re struggling. We’re experimenting. Having to stop and start again over and over. And it doesn’t feel great. Sanctification rarely does. But it is freeing. God has set me free from the things that were binding me and showed me there’s a better way.

With eternity in mind, we won’t miss what matters. I know God sees what I don’t. He called me to homeschool and He’s equipping me for the mission.

I just have to keep looking up. That’s where the real treasure is.

“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”
Matthew 6:21

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No. 15: Help Meet

July 30, 2024

Blogging, Conviction, Love, Marriage

“Because I’m an excellent wife!”

My sarcastic reply came at the moment when I thought I was being a “good wife.” It happened when I let my husband sleep longer instead of waking him for dinner. He had been working crazy hours and needed sleep, I was sure, so I didn’t wake him. And when he asked me why, I proclaimed my excellency in jest. My husband chuckled and agreed, and then explained that he’d rather be woken to eat dinner with his family tired.

Well, my bad. I had clearly misread his needs in that moment. I’ve since learned to check ahead of time, or plan dinner at a different hour, or just deal with a tired husband (police wife life, amirite?).

But this little exchange and the lessons learned blend with the study I’ve been trying to do around biblical marriage and what it means to be a “help meet” for my husband.

I’ve certainly felt conviction in this area of my life. God has knocked down worldly ideas that I held to when it comes to being a wife, and built up something better. Everything from finally changing my last name to his after almost twelve years of marriage, to fully and completely trusting him to be the protector and provider for our family. What used to feel scary now feels peaceful.

I can’t fully explain how far I’ve come without reflecting on where I started. It’s painful, but I’m learning to forgive that younger, foolish version of the wife I used to be. I wasn’t taught how to be a wife, and for a long time I didn’t even want a husband. I wouldn’t go so far as to say I hated men, but the feminist-y worldview reigned heavy on my mind – “I am woman, hear me roar” and all that deluded junk.

That roar is still inside me, but it rises for different reasons now. It rises for worship of the God who saved me, for the husband I love fiercely, and the daughter I am blessed to have.

As I’m learning to trust God’s plan for my life, I know the content I study and learn from comes to me at just the right time. Any earlier, and I might have dismissed it. Any earlier, and I might have dug in deeper to the belief that I was perfectly fine as a wife and maybe my husband was the one who needed to change.

But boy oh boy, did I need to do some work, and boy oh boy do I still need to do some work.

Part of that work is clinging to what God says about marriage and the role of a wife. Having read the beginning of Genesis quite a few times, I’m familiar with verse 2:18: “Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper corresponding to him.’” Still, really understanding what being “a helper corresponding to him” means is another story.

The notes in one of my Bibles say, “When God saw Adam by himself, he responded this way: It is not good for the man to be alone. So he promises to make a helper corresponding to him. A wife is there to be a man’s counterpart, equal to him, and adding what he lacks.”

Okay, that gives a little bit more. However, in a world that props up women being in charge, God’s design of woman adding to man seems backwards – though obviously, it’s the world that has turned this on its head through sin.

A couple of months ago, I led an online women’s Bible study that focused on marriage and motherhood. I had purposefully picked the study because I needed the learning in this area of my life. When we got to the study section on Eve, the first wife, we reviewed how uniquely Eve was formed – from the side of her husband.

This quote from Matthew Henry was included in the summary of Eve section in that study:

“That the woman was made of a rib out of the side of Adam; not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved.”

This clinched it for me. To be a wife is to be your husband’s helper (or help meet), strong and capable, there to surround your husband with respect, honor, and even protection in some sense, to help and do what your husband cannot do without you.

God knew His creation of man was good, but the man needed something. He needed a helper; none could be found in all of creation until the unique formation of woman from man. And how did the man respond?

“And the man said: This one, at last, is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh; this one will be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken from man” (Genesis 2:23).

The phrase “by your side” takes on a whole new meaning when you understand how and why the very first wife was created. Help meet is not a label of inferiority but an acknowledgement of strength!

So, am I an excellent wife, as I proclaimed that night a few weeks ago? The short answer is: I’m a work in progress. The longer answer is that I’m still selfish, my pride gets in the way sometimes, I’m mouthy and opinionated, and I wouldn’t say I always honor my husband in the way I should, but I’m working on it.

Sometimes I’m not so sure I am the ideal counterpart to my husband. I’m surely lacking. Thankfully I know it’s not me as I am – it’s Christ working in me – still forming me to be the help meet by my husband’s side.

To meet his needs and help him in his role as husband and father, provider and protector, adding what he can’t. I’m learning how to truly be by his side. It’s one of the greatest privileges of my life.

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
(Genesis 2:24)

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No. 14: The Beard, the Lie, and the Truth

June 2, 2024

Blogging, Love, Worldview

I can feel the hesitation even as I type this. Going against years of indoctrination into worldly beliefs will do that to you.

Let’s start with a story. A personal one.

Over a year ago, my then 6 year old and I were at the library doing a craft activity with a few other families. She likes arts and crafts and was busy getting started. Then, everything about her happy demeanor changed to fear and uncertainty.

You know when your child is legit afraid, when they’re almost frozen but also trying to crawl inside your body for safety?

Yeah, it was that. Her eyes got big and her body leaned close to me for reassurance. I looked up to see what she saw, and that was that….her first experience noticing gender incongruence on display. A lady in sweats and a hoodie, with an almost fully bearded face. Not a little facial hair, but a very clearly unnatural beard.

We somehow finished our craft and left. I had told her we could talk privately at home, since her questions were bubbling over and it wasn’t the time or place to have that kind of conversation.

By the grace of God, we had just done lessons about people being God’s image bearers in the Bible curriculum we were using, and that He made them male and female. So, we started there.

What transpired was a rather intense discussion about God’s design, sin, gender confusion, cultural lies, medicalization of this issue, and more. She led with questions; I followed with answers.

And oh, the beauty of seeing the simple and sheer absurdity of it through an innocent child’s eyes was refreshing. I fluctuated between anger that I even had to have this conversation with my young child, and gratitude that she got to hear it from me first.

We got to view it together through eyes that can see all people as image bearers needing so much love, and still knowing the truth of how we are designed. What a beautiful combination.

I tell this story because I know, since I’ve been on the other side of this ideology, that removing that fear and uncertainty response from children is the point.

The activists for the transgender craze are quite purposeful in pulling in children. There may have been a time when we could deny this or debate this, but you simply can’t anymore with a straight face.

Not that every confused or unconventional looking person is an activist or is trying to pull a coup on your kids, certainly not. We must remember to separate the ideology from the person. This can be hard to do, but necessary for teaching truth and love.

Still, the ideology surrounding gender confusion is insidious and evil. Especially when it comes to children. If you ever wonder why activists push for exposure of these ideas earlier and earlier (just take a peek at board books for babies introducing them to trans talk, or parents who willingly bring their very young children to drag queen story hour), it’s because grooming and desensitization is a real thing.

Expose young minds to degenerate behavior and tell them it’s normal and beautiful and should be celebrated, and eventually that natural fear and uncertainty response will vanish.

I already know the arguments for it – it’s progressive, it’s tolerance, it’s love.

No it is not. Here’s why.

Telling people (specifically children) they can be something they can never biologically be is not progressive. It’s regressive and cruel. The path it puts them on is one of pain and bondage, often making them a medical patient for life.

It’s not tolerant to advance a lie that is damaging the health of those it impacts, and telling them their identity is tied to acceptance from others. This is actually intolerance of truth.

And it is certainly not loving to let our children be exposed to and captured by regressive and intolerant lies that steal innocence, destroy truth, and kill joy.

I also know the thinking behind “live and let live” which basically tells anyone in disagreement to ignore the crazy around them. Except activists have made it their mission to not let this happen. Trans ideology has captured most major institutions and it’s being force fed at every turn.

It brings me back to my story at the beginning. My child hasn’t been taught to hate, so her response was not hateful. It was a natural response to a personification of the confusion and chaos that has been sewn into this world. This response is actually good and useful – it was telling her that what she was seeing wasn’t a normal thing, and it needed some explanation to make sense of it; it needed truth to wash out the lie.

My child and I must live in this world, but we don’t have to be of it. God has given us free will to choose truth or choose lies. Regardless of what you choose, we opt for loving God’s image bearers, which means telling the truth.

And the truth is, you were made in God’s image. He knows you, loves you, and wants you to be close to Him. You can put distance between you by marring His beautiful design, but even so, He will be there if you turn back. This love and this truth cannot be separated.

“Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good.”
Romans 12:9

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No. 13: Bad Girl, Good God

April 24, 2024

Blogging, Redemption, Worldview

When I was a little girl, I remember not being very girly. I preferred pants to dresses, I liked mud and bugs, and I sported short haircuts often. In third grade, I had a bowl haircut, which my teacher made fun of on picture day (to be fair, it didn’t look great). In fifth grade, I grabbed a boy by the shirt and flung him, literally, across the soccer field because he wasn’t playing by the rules. In sixth grade, a male classmate who had “asked me out” (remember that silliness?), said he liked me because I “wasn’t like most girls.”

You’ve got that right. I said no, by the way. As I grew up, I tried on different styles and personalities, none of which I would say were very girly. Even though I was quiet, liked school, and did sometimes wear dresses, I also didn’t fit in with the crowd. As a preteen, my first email address was “Frogz and Dogz” (with Z’s, of course) and I didn’t know how to put my hair in a ponytail. Sometimes I thought I was missing some kind of “girl gene.”

As a grown woman, I shut off many feminine parts of myself, dismissing the thought of marriage and kids, instead focusing on what I wanted to accomplish in a career.

When I look back, I’m glad I had the freedom to explore my own personality as a child. I grew up when “tomboys” were still considered girls, because they are. The world now has supremely messed this one up.

Then in my early adulthood, I was heavily influenced by feminist ideology that told me I could do what men can do, without a man, because strong women don’t need men. Thus my disdain for marriage and family.

But, praise God, I was pulled out of this lie. It didn’t happen all at once – even after marriage, I stuck to no kids for a while. But again, God had other plans. I went from not wanting kids, to wanting them but not being able to have them, to finally having one. I can’t be sure, but I think God used our struggle to build our understanding of what a blessing children are and to rely on Him. My husband and I acknowledge frequently that this blessing is most likely what pulled us back to God.

Before I knew the heart of God, I couldn’t even fathom the sweet essence of biblical femininity. I had to undo years of believing that being feminine was equivalent to weakness, and that in order to be equal to men, you had to be like men. God bulldozed that idol with truth – He created men and women equally, to be each other’s counterparts.

I also had to crumple and throw away the world’s labels: if you’re pink and sparkly, you’re “girly,” and if you’re not, you’re a “tomboy.” Nope. Our creator designed females in His image, with so much care and detail, but He did not design us all the same. The female tent is a LARGE one, and it covers a multitude of personalities and expressions.

For years, I thought I was bad at being a girl and then a woman, because I didn’t fit into the box marked F for Female. Turns out the box is stupid and needs to be smashed. It wasn’t designed by God; it was designed by miserable people reaching for a power grab.

Now, as I raise my own girl, who herself is a good mix of sparkle and mud, I am so thankful that I get to define myself by God and not by anybody else, and the same goes for my daughter.

The blessings that have come from seeing myself clearly as God sees me are really innumerable, but here are some anyway:

I am blessed to be able to accept myself as the “not like most girls” girl, made in God’s image as female, defined by Him.

I am blessed to have a Savior who takes me as I am, replete with sin and idols that need smashing, who found me and refines me daily.

I am blessed to have a husband who saw me where I was and chose me anyway, always with an eye to the future.

I am blessed to have a husband who knows I prefer chips over flowers, and he doesn’t complain that I’m different.

I am blessed to have a husband who was patient with me while I worked through old baggage and continue to work on being his help meet.

I am blessed to have been given a daughter to love and raise, who has opened up my heart wide, taught me about grace, and planted within my bones a mama bear fierceness which I never knew was possible.

I am blessed to live a life focused on being a wife and a mom, both titles I never knew would become so much of my world.

Praise God who made this all possible. I might be bad at being a girl, but God is good, and He will use me for His purposes anyway. So there.

“I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.”
Psalm 139:14

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No. 12: Feminism is a Dumpster Fire

April 10, 2024

Blogging, Conviction, Worldview

I recently saw a cartoon that featured professional women and professional men at the starting line of a racetrack, and it had words about there being a problem with the picture. The problem? The women had multiple obstacles in their way, such as laundry, ironing, and cooking. Clearly, the men would win this professional race because they didn’t have anything in their way. The cartoon shows the women looking forlorn at the men whose eyes are set on the track in front of them. Ah yes, the perils of gender inequality.

A decade ago, I probably would have nodded in agreement with the cartoon, acknowledging that women have to put forth more effort to achieve what men can. Now, I actually agree with the cartoon for a different reason. That reason is that women and men are created equally, with natural differences for balance, resulting in duties and goals that reflect those differences.

Those forlorn women would have a completely different look on their faces if they stopped comparing themselves to the men and focused on what’s in front of them. They might realize it’s not just laundry, ironing, and cooking – it’s clothing, feeding, and nurturing their family. This purpose is not only needed, but when paired with a hardworking provider and protector, BOOM! You’ve got the linchpin of a flourishing society – marriage and family.

Of course the contrasts between men and women can look different. The biblical worldview actually busts open the man-made boxes of gender; outwardly flowing beautiful diversity in God’s creation. We are not all alike, but we are all made in His likeness.

Feminism tries to put people in boxes, confining them to restrictive expressions of personality, telling women they should have what men have. It creates a double edged sword of militant individuality and hostile conformity.

This is why most self-proclaimed feminists are never genuinely happy. There is no peace within them. You can’t truly have peace when you are in direct contradiction to God’s design.

It’s been said that Eve was the first feminist. She believed the lies that she could be her own god, usurping God’s boundaries and creating her own. Eve fell for the temptation that she deserved more, even though she had been given perfect union with her husband and was with God in the garden, devoid of any shame. And still, she turned from that and reached toward something she thought would give her more.

Isn’t this just the quintessential picture of feminism?

In our selfish pride, we think, don’t I deserve more? This isn’t fair. He has more than me. I have things that hold me back. Everything should be the same.

Except what we deserve is judgment, and it was taken from us and put onto Jesus; it’s not about fairness, it’s about God’s grace; and, men and women have the most when they share a unity of purpose while retaining their uniqueness as individuals. This is God’s design, not ours, and it is good.

Of course, our culture has gone through periods of time when women were not treated as though they were created in God’s image (and still aren’t at times). This is sinful. However, without God, people tend to create their own path that does not lead to actual equality.

What does it tend to lead to? Death, both bodily and spiritually. Death of family, of marriage, of caring for children, of safety for women and children, of strong men, of morality, and ultimately, of an entire culture.

The waves of feminism have ushered in destruction while promising “you will be like God,” as the serpent told Eve. It has emasculated strong men, who have been told to agree or shut up, just as Adam did when he ate of the fruit with Eve. It has replaced true femininity with ugly pride and jealousy, worn as garments revealing our sinful state. It has caused confusion between men and women, clinging to equality, yet obliterating gender roles and even gender itself (newsflash: men make terrible women, and vice versa). It has created a world of depravity that devours our children.

Turns out God’s ways are better.

In order to head in the right direction, away from the dumpster fire of feminism, we have to know where we’re going.

How does this sound?

“Strength and honor are her clothing, and she can laugh at the time to come. Her mouth speaks wisdom, and loving instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the activities of her household and is never idle. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also praises her: ‘Many women have done noble deeds, but you surpass them all!’”
Proverbs 31:25-29

Strength, honor, peace, wisdom, love, busy will all the right things, serving those who need her most, and gaining the admiration of her children and husband – it sounds like a wonderful way to live. There’s unmatched freedom in expressing femininity in ways that serve God, your family, and others.

It’s the opposite of the forlorn women in the cartoon, tethered to the world’s definition of a boss lady, angry and bitter at everything that is holding her back. When you look towards God to define your femininity, it holds you up!

By God’s very creation, women have been exquisitely woven into the same tapestry of life with men, both adding a richness that would dull and fray without the other. We can be vibrant, ladies, knowing our color perfectly mixes with our counterparts.

Praise God for this beautiful design!

“Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised.”
Proverbs 31:30

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No. 11: Be in the Way

March 22, 2024

Blogging, Conviction, Parenting

Sometimes I grow weary. Tired, run down, absolutely sick of the effort it takes to protect my child from the wickedness in our world.

It used to be simple. Don’t like a certain movie? Don’t let your kid watch it. Don’t want a certain book in your house? Don’t buy it. Don’t want your kid listening to filthy songs? Don’t let them buy the CD.

In some ways, these tactics are still effective at setting boundaries.

Except, with the explosion of technology, it’s not so simple anymore. Those movies can be streamed effortlessly right into your home, and many shows marketed to children aren’t really for children anymore; pornography is no longer just on adult websites. Those books are not only easily accessible, but they are actually being pushed in children’s libraries, and in many cases, read out loud to them in school (without you knowing). Those songs can be played for free from many devices, and certain pop stars with ideological slant are advertised everywhere as role models for our children.

Mix this with the cultural rot that has progressed to the point of depravity, and it makes me want to burn everything down and live under a rock.

But I know we are supposed to be in this world, fighting for biblical truths, showing and sharing the love of God, and discipling our kids to be prepared for what may come.

So instead of letting the weariness take over completely, I pray (really hard) for my child, for her heart and mind, and trust in God to protect her spiritually in ways that I cannot.

Still, God blessed me with very strong mama bear instincts, and I know it’s part of my responsibility to steer my daughter toward some things and away from others. Even when she’s begging to get a certain book from the library, watch a certain movie or show, or do something “all her friends are doing.” Especially then. We are called to be set apart as believers, to let our lives reflect our love and appreciation for Jesus.

It would be so easy to just let things go and live for the immediate gratification of saying yes to all the things. But that’s not truly loving our children and wanting what is best for them. I’m not here to make my child happy all the time. I’m here to help her learn faith through obedience to God, because that is what will ultimately lead to the best life for her. God’s boundaries are beautiful.

Jesus takes the discipleship of children especially seriously, because He knows children are especially precious. In Matthew 18, after describing having a childlike faith as the greatest in the kingdom of Heaven, He goes on to condemn anyone who causes a little one to stumble (v. 6). He thinks it would be better for you to drown with a heavy millstone around your neck than to mess with kids, because those who do will incur greater judgment. I’d say that’s pretty serious.

I don’t know about you, but I can think of a lot of people who have earned a millstone.

In the meantime, with my marching orders, I am committed to being in the way.

What does that mean? This.

You want to promote evil content in the majority of your children’s shows? I will cancel our subscription.

You want to purposely highlight books that push a sexual agenda in the CHILDREN’S section of the library? That trash is getting pushed to the back.

You want to tell my beautiful daughter that a boy could be what she is or a man could be what I am by putting on a costume? Nope, we live by God’s design.

You want to plaster a 30-something celebrity on the cover of every magazine and tell our little girls she’s living the ideal feminist life? I will explain the counterfeit nature of touched up pictures and the lies of the feminist worldview.

You want to expose our child to made up identities and language? You can miss us with that nonsense; we’re not playing that game.

You want to tell our child that her skin color makes her an oppressor and she has to repent to the god of critical race theory? Stop your noise; we stopped listening years ago.

You want to overstep your bounds and override my parental authority? I will get loud and remove my child from any of your influence.

It means that you can come with lots of worldly things, even with the best of intentions, but I’m going to be there, in the way, blocking and stopping and cutting it down.

It’s exhausting and purposefully becoming more tedious by the day, but I know the cost of not being in the way.

The cost is my child’s soul. And that’s a price I’m not willing to pay.

“But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to fall away – it would be better for him if a heavy millstone were hung around his neck and he were drowned in the depths of the sea.”
Matthew 18:6

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