Picture this. You’re on a hike with your active toddler, for some fresh air and exercise. There are stunning views at the peak, which is your motivation to continue lugging your squirmy child along. Perhaps you’ve even carried him part of the way, because his legs just couldn’t keep up. Inevitably, you put him down to wander and explore the beautiful landscape, which he does in a most uncoordinated way. Allowing exploration leads to stumbles and close calls as you reach the peak, requiring you to physically pull him back from edges and cliffs. As the parent, you want him to learn on his own, but you know that you have to exert your better judgment to prevent ultimate destruction. 

If you’re a parent, you can probably relate to balancing the need for some independence for your children with their ongoing need for your loving guidance and correction.

This is how I picture God’s hand on and in my life. 

I was an errant child, fighting for my own way, my own freedoms, and my own ideas of right and wrong. This led to me wandering off paths, peering over edges, and almost falling off of cliffs. But God, the loving Father that He is, always pulled me back from total destruction. I didn’t see this then, but I see it clearly now. 

So many times, especially in my adult life, when I was “forging my own path,” I could have easily gone too far and slipped over an edge. Idolatry, pride, self-righteousness, lies, sexual immorality, animal rights/environmentalism, feminism – so many edges.

And yet, God pulled me away from things, places, and people who could have sent me barreling over any one of those edges. I can just imagine Him, in all His patience and grace, lovingly but sternly having to yank the collar of my shirt back and saying, “No, you belong over here.”

Upon entering college, at a time when so much freedom was before me as a brand new legal adult, I of course meddled in things that weren’t good for me. Not all of it was sin necessarily, but certainly not in my best interest. I could have easily become a shrieky blue-haired feminist, constantly angry about the “patriarchy” or…something, but praise God this wasn’t my fate! 

It seems God’s plan for me was working to keep me on a path that would lead to knowing Him – His truth, His love, His purposes.

One memory I have of this shining through surprises me when I think back on it. In a freshman writing class my very first year in college, students were assigned an opinion piece to write on any topic. Being surrounded by mostly worldly and progressive ideas, I could have easily written about any socially palatable topic and received an A. Instead, what topic did I choose? Abortion. Which side did I write in support of? An unapologetic pro-life stance. What’s more is that even though I didn’t necessarily take a religious perspective in my paper, I specifically remember writing about God. I wrote this, submitted it, and guess what happened? My professor loved it and I earned an A. She even asked me for permission to use my paper as an example of opinion writing in future classes, meaning that other college students would lay their eyes upon a pro-life message from someone their age. 

And so, though this might seem like a small example, to me it shows that God was there, showing up in my life, continually setting me on the right path for His purposes. I would vary in future years in my stance on life, just as a young child wanders off the right path, but I believe God had a hold on me early, and ultimately led me back to His truth. Praise God for this.

After college, when I was headed to graduate school, God again played a part in where He wanted me to be. I wanted to go to a specific school because it was closer to home, more familiar, and I had my heart set on it. Well, it didn’t work out. I didn’t score well on the test I had to take to get in, so they denied my application. They had a process in which you could write a rebuttal to their decision for consideration, which I did; my letter was full of anger and admonishment for their reliance on a test for entry. And wouldn’t you know it, an angry letter did not sway them to let me in. Go figure.

My second choice school was farther away from home and felt unfamiliar to me. I didn’t want to go there, but they accepted my application and it was the only other grad school in my state with the program I was planning to study. So, I went, practically stomping my feet – feeling scared and still a little angry that my plans hadn’t worked out how I had wanted them to. 

But guess what was there? My future husband. Unbeknownst to me, but certainly known to God, I had been led to this school because He had bigger plans for me than studying to get a Master’s degree – He was leading me to the man I would build my life with. Amazingly, this school was also my husband’s back up plan, so God was really working to make sure we came together! If I hadn’t let God guide me and instead stayed stuck in my anger and resentment, I likely would have missed this blessing in my life.

It makes me think of how many blessings we miss because we’re not looking to God for direction and instead try to create our own destiny, falling down cliffs while we try to hold on. The worship song “Hold On To Me” sings of this – when we’ve gone over an edge and fallen down, when it’s dark and we don’t see a way up or out, when we try to hold on to a god of our own making or simply let go altogether – God’s hand is there to lift us up. The lyrics remind us that when we forget we need Him, He’s there to hold on to us. This song still gives me chills.

Throughout my life, I know there were seasons of rebellion, even times when I might have thrown myself on the ground and refused to take another step, like a tired toddler on a long hike. During my worst moments, God carried me. When I was stronger and could take a few steps, God held me and guided me forward. Now, He’s my compass.

Thank the Lord that I was spared from so many edges because of His goodness and grace (especially the blue hair! ;)). Like a small child, I need Him to hold on to me and never, ever let go.

“I will be the same until your old age, and I will bear you up when you turn gray. I have made you, and I will carry you; I will bear and rescue you.” 

Isaiah 46:4