The word convicted has different meanings, as many words do, according to the world vs according to God. Convicted can mean found guilty in a legal sense, and it can also mean being convinced of error (sin) and compelled to admit the truth. My favorite definition of conviction is this: “when the Holy Spirit reveals an area of sin (pride, jealousy, anger, lust, lying, selfishness) for which we need to confess and repent. Conviction leads us to run to God for grace and forgiveness.”

This is the revealing process that happens as you move closer to God. He is holy, He wants you to be holy, and thus He will sanctify you (set you apart for a purpose), which involves showing you areas that need to change.

Before I was ready to accept that I needed changing, I could easily rationalize why I needed to do certain things, or why I had made certain decisions in my life. Afterall, I thought of myself as mostly a good person, so why would I need to change anything about me?

As soon as I began getting to know Jesus and what He did for us, my eyes were opened to many areas of my life that needed a remodel. Still, I remained stuck for a bit. I was comfy in my sin. 

Eventually, I developed enough clarity through the Holy Spirit to see my own sin, or at the very least to see areas that were not glorifying God. This happened through reading and studying God’s Word, attending church regularly, and learning from other believers.

Recently, I read this note in my study bible in Hebrews that really clinched for me how and why I am feeling convicted to move away from some things and toward others:

“Through the new covenant work of Christ, God puts his laws on your heart. That means God’s standard is within you. That’s why you experience conviction when you sin by breaking his law. As you grow in your Christian faith, you become more aware of the fact that you fall short of God’s standard but increase in your desire to obey him.”

(Pg. 1463, Tony Evans Study Bible) 

That is exactly it. God’s standard is within me and I have developed a deep desire to obey it.

While I can think of small examples like no longer prefering to listen to, watch, or read certain materials (which of course makes a difference), there are two bigger examples of this conviction in my life. 

One example might seem trivial in our modern society, but deciding to finally change my last name upon approaching 12 years of marriage could only have come from a desire for biblical marriage. I originally kept my maiden name out of convenience, since I had just graduated and began a school counseling position in which everyone knew me by my last name. Changing it and “reintroducing” myself felt like too much work. Then, many thought I would change it when my husband and I had a child, since she had his last name. I didn’t – it took six more years after having our daughter.

When I look back at this small name change, I realize now that I was choosing to stay my own person and seek independence even within marriage, which cannot work. Of course I’m still my own person, but I have a much deeper desire to submit to biblical marriage roles. This is God’s standard, not mine, and it is good. Once I accepted this, conviction came over me like a freight train, and I immediately moved to make the legal change.

Perhaps a bigger example is the decision my husband and I made to homeschool our daughter. This one was harder and took longer to make happen. Homeschooling would mean me resigning from my job, it would mean one income instead of two, and it would mean sacrificing comforts and conveniences that we had grown accustomed to. While we had discussed it a few times, it wasn’t until we gave it up to God that we felt convicted to take action. I will never forget the day I came home from school after events laid bare exactly what I needed to see and hear to convince me; I told my husband that whatever we needed to do to make homeschooling happen, we needed to do it. We never looked back; we looked forward and started planning and preparing for the change. What a change it has been. Being able to disciple our own child instead of handing her off and hoping for the best, has pulled us all closer to God and His purposes for our lives.

Now I realize that through certain lenses, my two examples might seem like they lean heavily toward giving up parts of myself for my family. I also realize this is scoffed at in some circles. I know this because I used to be in those circles. I understand that worldly mindset that likes to tell women they can have it all, including their own independent desires and name apart from their husband and children. 

But I’ve seen it from both sides. The side I see from now recognizes that what appears as giving up parts of myself for my family is actually gaining big blessings that wouldn’t be possible otherwise. I don’t have to rely on my own or the world’s understanding of what I should be doing as a woman; I’ve got God for that. 

I used to think it was oppressive; now I realize it’s conviction of sin, it’s obedience to God’s standard, and it’s embracing all that is truly good. It is the best kind of freedom.

“This is the covenant I will make with them after those days, the Lord says, I will put my laws on their hearts and write them on their minds.”

Hebrews 10:16